Monday, June 29, 2009

Advice on Advice

Do you think lying to your spouse – significant other – is a bad or a good idea?

I’ve been married long enough to be aware of the female “trap – test” questions:
“Do you think my boobs are too small?”
“Do you think my butt is too big?”
“Do you think my younger sister looks younger?”
But even when you are prepared, the timing will always get you!

…We were getting ready to go to a party when I entered the bathroom to comb the little hair I have left.
My wife was putting on makeup, when suddenly she turned around and asked:
“Do you think I am gaining weight?”
I had to stop to suppress the “Honey you look like a young and sexy Ms Piggy” thought.
I turned around and to my delight, without a pause, I heard my self saying:
“Honey, you look perfect to me!”
She gave me the “you passed the test” smile and at that moment I knew I would have a great evening :)

After 13 years of marriage and two pregnancies she looks amazing – even with the 20 pounds extra, but telling her the truth wouldn’t be a good idea.
Some how – and please correct me if I am wrong – I believe that she expects me not to tell her the truth – on that particular question - and to argument my thought; two days latter she announced me:
“I think I need to loose 10 pounds.”
This means she knew that she has gained 20!
(It also means the next couple of weeks the whole family would be on rabbit food diet – which I don’t like very much - but then again I need to loose some of my “love handles” as well :)

So do you still think, lying to your significant one is a good or a bad idea?
Exactly my point!

The complexity of human behavior and the complexity of human relations makes impossible to come up with universally applicable rules.

So, do you think tying up your lover and spanking them is a bad or a good idea?
Guess what?
Somebody out there would find it extremely pleasing and exciting but also somebody else would not.

So I always cringe when I see the big titles on the cover of some popular magazines:
“10 ways to spice up your love life!”
“20 ways to please your woman!”
“30 ways to improve your relationship!”
“Somebody out there is going to be in big trouble taking advice from a magazine!”

So here is my advice on “advice”:
Advices are not to be taken literally but rather inspirationally.

In other words never follow an advice because you trust the source but rather follow an advice because you trust yourself!
Easier to say than to do – true!
But it is better to make a mistake on your own than on somebody else’s advice :)


Jamain M. said...

Yes, yes ,yes. Due to all of the different mediums through which we receive external information(school books, movies, tv, radio, news papers, magizines, web sites, friends, family, various advertisements and the like) its dificult to gauge the intent behind a thought or decipher truly what direction an author, host, director or individual is trying to turn one towards. Therefore, I've learned to do just as you suggested. Forget intent and ignore the medium. "Never follow an advice because you trust the source but rather follow an advice because you trust yourself!" For no matter what information we take in or how we have come across it we fully and truly remain our own guide to and teacher of love and light.

Namaste BoH and all who see through the illusion and receive the truth.

Lydia said...

Great post that reads like an excellent magazine article. So, why don't you submit it to a magazine?
I love your idea of taking advice as inspiration.

Don't Feed The Pixies said...

So so true - we keep getting sold the "one size fits all" idea of society, but the truth is that there are shades of grey and everyone is different.

The question is - your amswer wasn't exactly a lie, was it? She could be overweight, yet from the eyes of someone who loves her - still perfect

Talon said...

My father called that sort of fibbing, "keeping the peace". ;)

It always depends on the situation, doesn't it? Generally a spouse or friend is just asking for reassurance...none of us are blind to the fact that we've changed physically as we age, but we are worried that it might change how someone feels about us.

This Brazen Teacher said...

As an elementary teacher I have this philosophy that we spend way to much time teaching children to listen to adult advice, and virtually no time listening to their own inner voice.

I spend a lot of time brainstorming the type of school that would allow children most access "to themselves" and find myself consistently bogged down by "what other people would think" and how "I would be laughed at."

Descartes said...

I'm not as deep as I used to be, I just loved the Young Ms Piggy remake.

molly said...

Good answer. My husband just told me the other day when I asked him if "My butt looked big?" that he'd never answer that question with anything but a "you look perfect to me."

Otherwise it'd be a conversation gone south...

Buddha said...

@ Jamain – Oh my goodness!
Great comment.
That is almost like another post :)

@ Lydia – I have published some of my articles in some ezines already.
It did not worked out the way I thought it would – You’ll see :)
So right now I’m focusing on writing a book – but it turns out it is much harder than I anticipated :(

@ Pixie – You are absolutely right – This is not about weight or looks, it is about commitment and feeling loved :)

@ Talon – Your father was a very wise man!
I bet he had a long and happy marriage :)

@ Brazen Teacher – Oh yes!
The way we mutilate innocence into conformity.
Some how being self confident and functional human beings is not socially acceptable.
Some how we call that progress

@ Descartes – You can go only so deep before you hit the bottom – then you come up to superficiality – it is called life. It happens to me all the time :)

@ Molly – He is a keeper!

Brigit said...

Did you lie? Were you honest? I think your wife's question had more to do with wanting to know that you still think she is beautiful...and perfect to you. So I think you definitely gave the RIGHT answer.

As for taking advice. I think all advice is great food for thought. As you said inspiration.

Good luck with your book writing.

Flight said...

Buddha said...

@ Brigit – I guess women were meant to be loved not understand :)

@ Flight – You are a bad boy!

Diego said...

Hmmm...I read Brad Blanton's Radical Honesty and now I'm wondering if that's why I'm getting the reactions I get when asked those "test" questions.