Thursday, July 2, 2009
Staying in trouble
You might ask why I am so obsessed with micro managing my life.
Why an enlightened Buddhist worries about life’s little problems?
Why Buddha of Hollywood doesn’t have faith?
But the truth is that I am not worried or concerned about my life.
I don’t want to sound like a televangelist that has a direct telephone line with God but it seems to me that every time I had a major event in my life God has intervened with his divine powers in my favor. (Or maybe was just an angel or something :)
I mean really, really bad situations when I had no power at all and all hope was gone, when I was thinking “this is it – this time I’m not gonna make it” a saving hand protected me and some how everything ended OK after all.
Now, that makes me feel special, makes me feel loved, and makes me feel like in God’s eyes I’m not an insignificant son.
It makes me feel that he cares about me, and I know in the depth of my being, that God will always be with me.
At the same time, I find my daily life bogged in little problems, irritating inconveniences, little and annoying people, and insignificant petty quarrels.
(But God doesn’t help me with those at all, even when I am asking for help.)
So I figured out that God must be busy saving some other unfortunate being from a catastrophic predicament and probably doesn’t have time to deal with my trivial problems.
(The truth is that I shouldn’t ask for help at all. After all I have a pretty good life and complaining about my life would be the most ungrateful thing I could do.)
So here I am, like a little kitten fighting with a ball of yarn, fighting life’s little miseries.
It is some sort of challenge, some sort of an addictive game for me.
It is a compulsion – like buying too many books when I know I don’t have time to read them all.
So I know that I don’t have any problems, that I am getting my self into trouble just to have something to do, but I figured that as long I have fun doing it, it shouldn’t be that much of a sin :)