Today is my birthday so I started doing a little “my life so far” review and some how I ended up with another blog post instead.
Here it is:
I got a speeding ticket.
My car’s water pump is making a weird noise for a while.
I have to finish replacing the water pipes in my house, which I started about a year ago and I dread finishing.
I have to go to the small court because the IRS wants $3200 from me.
I did not get a raise in the last five years and I am afraid that I am stuck in my job until they fire me.
About ten years ago I started loosing the hair on my head and getting hair in places the sun don’t shine.
My triglycerides levels are 3 time the norm.
My sex drive has dropped into the pits with my hair.
I dream of being an artist and I fear I will never do it.
At this moment these are the biggest problems in my life, all the other problems in my life are smaller than that.
Do you think I have problems?
Do you think any of my problems are more than a challenge, inconvenience or routine maintenance?
I don’t think so either.
Yet, they bother me more than it should.
Do you know why?
Because I get stuck in this “fix the problems first” frame of mind.
Because instead of focusing on what I want to accomplish I focus on the shitty little inconveniences.
Because I’M MAKING this little shitty inconveniences the center of my life.
I need to put some passion in my life.
I need to light up a fire that will burn all that little crap away.
I need a new direction, a new purpose, a new vision.
I think I’m getting to humble, to soft.
I need to be more daring, to grow some balls.
Which is not quite the Buddhist way of doing things.
Remember the Buddhist way is the middle way :)
But it just doesn’t work for me at this moment.
It looks like too much Zazen makes my butt itch.
I have to go Back to my radical Zen roots.
Just wanted to let you know, in case I’ll get to weird or too wild.
Don’t worry. It’s just another phase.