Friday, September 22, 2017

10 Steps to control your temper and overcome you anger

“In times of stress, the best thing we can do for each other is to listen with our ears and our hearts and to be assured that our questions are just as important as our answers.”
– Fred Rogers

Oh, the joy of modern civilization!
The ever dizzying speed increase of life. The overwhelming information bombardment. The ever-increasing complexity of our everyday existence. The stress. The madness. The rage against all this nonsense we are subjected to.

It is not surprising that we are failing on our relationships and careers.
It is no wonder that we are consuming industrial quantities of mood-altering drugs.
It’s not surprising that stress, anxiety, and depression are becoming a common occurrence in our society.

Our attention spans are getting shorter and shorter and so is our ability to focus.
We are more and more irritable and intolerant. Our tempers are flaring up and our inability to express our dissatisfaction, or should I say the social censorship we are subjecting our emotions and feelings, leave us no other alternative but not to give a shit anymore.

The problem is that we still have to function socially and the only option acceptable we have, is to learn how to control our temper and handle adverse situations.
Here are 10 steps will help you become better in dealing with temper tantrums.

1)      Awareness.
Knowing and understanding the cause of a problem is always the best first step in preventing and fixing the problem.
Take an inventory of all lost temper episodes you can recall. Keep it up to date every time a new one occurs. Start a list of the lost control episodes. When, where and how. What triggered your anger? How did you respond? How would you respond if a similar incident occurs?
2)      Prevention.
The best way to solve a problem is not to get in trouble in the first place.
Based on step No 1 write down all the things you have to avoid in order not to lose your temper. Update every time a new incident occurs.
3)      Stop, pause, breath.
We have a built-in defense mechanism fight or flight. It is written in our DNA and helped us for millennia dealing with the dangers of wildlife. The problem is that our adversaries today are not sabered tooth tigers but corporate dwellers. Our life doesn’t depend on how fast we get into the fight mode anymore, I would say it is exactly the opposite; the guy that stays calm and under control is always the winner in the corporate jungle.
So every time you feel under attack before reacting take a deep breath and slowly count from 10 to 1. That should give you a clearer perspective on how to properly respond.
4)      Get away
If # 3 doesn’t do the trick, get away from the explosive situation.
Excuse yourself like “Excuse me I forgot something in my office. Hold that thought I’ll be right back.” Or “Excuse me I have to use the restroom. Nature call. Hold that thought I’ll be right back. Or any appropriate excuse to get away from the discussion for a few minutes.
5)      Change your thought pattern.
Difficult situations have a negative effect on our thought patterns. Have a mantra, something like this: “I am better than my anger. I am in control. I am calm compose and in total control of my temper. I am better than this.”
Replace your thought pattern by repeating your mantra whenever you feel your thoughts are getting negative.
6)      Change your perspective
Nothing really matters and nothing is more important than your wellbeing.
Put the present situation in a time perspective: What would this mean a week a year or ten years from now? Like all the bad situations you’ve been through, this too shall pass.
7)      Do not react, act.
Life doesn’t always work the way you want to. Sometimes you can’t control people and situations but you always can control how you react.
Getting into a knee-jerk reaction response can only escalate the confrontation and make it worse. Do not react instead take control of the situation. Change the course of the conversation from confrontation to problem-solving.
8)      Invoke a higher authority.
People always react better to a higher authority. Whenever it looks like you are not in control of a situation you can always defer the problem to a higher authority.
“I think we should go to our manager, HR department, police officer, priest, rabbi, judge” or whatever higher authority is appropriate to the situation, and have them solve the conflict. Accept any resolution they may have
9)      Practice compassion.
It takes two to tango. There is no fight without punching back. Look at your opponent, look at his anger with compassion not critical. Try to understand him, how hopelessly out of control he must feel to be that angry. Put yourself in his shoes. A win-win solution is always better than crushing your opponent. You never know what the future will look like and a little compassion goes a long way.

10)   Be thankful to your adversary.
All experiences are good experiences if you learn a valuable lesson.
So be grateful for the fights and conflicts in your life. What doesn’t kill you make you stronger.
When criticized reply with “Thank you for pointing that out” and always end with; “Thank you for making me a better person”
Keep being grateful and in short time the unwanted bully will stop from wanting to confront you in the future.

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