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Saturday, January 24, 2009

Buddha on "Sex"

1) “It's better to be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother.”
Charles Pierce.

2) Did you know Hugh Hefner is buysexual?
He buys all the sex he gets!

3) “I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women.”
Bernard Manning.

4) “The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs a lot less.”
Brenda Francis

5) There is a general misconception that men pay prostitutes for sex.
Actually they pay so they would go away after sex.

6) “Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love”
Woody Allen

7) The faster the result, the more enjoyable the activity.
That would explain why I like sex so much!

8) “I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.”
Woody Allen

9) Translation
When a man tells you:
“I don’t want you for your body; I want you for your brain.”
It means:
“I’m so horny I could f##k a farm animal if I could get my hands on it.”
When a woman tells you:
“Size doesn’t matter.”
It means:
“I have seen small dicks before but this is ridiculous.”

10) “I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people.
Between five, it's fantastic.”
Woody Allen

11) Difference
Women can’t have sex and not to think at the same time.
Men can’t have sex and think at the same time.

12) “Don't have sex man.
It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.”
Steve Martin.

13) Men’s ultimate science fiction fantasy:
Earth is infested by a mysterious virus and all the men on the planet die, except
one.
Women’s ultimate science fiction fantasy:
Earth is infested by a mysterious virus and all the men on the planet die, except
one.

14) “Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is one hundred percent.”
RD Laing.

As you can see I have numbered all the jokes so we can take a survey.
Which number is your favorite?
Sorry 69 is not an option!

21 comments:

Lydia said...

tee-hee, Buddha.
Having been raised in Nevada where prostitution is legal, I must say that #5 is my favorite. I clearly remember when the first guy in my 9th grade class "went to Mustang Ranch" over one weekend. The word spread that Monday morning throughout the lunchroom where we congregated before classes began. He arrived in the back of his older brother's pick-up, surrounded by about ten of his buddies (all cheering), and soon after every young male in the area was whooping. We girls looked on with awe, fascination, fear, and a bit less stardust in our eyes.

Aggie said...

I think #13 for me ... I have long wished for males to be transported back to their native planet of Mars. Lol!

earthlingorgeous said...

Hahahahaha! Love the quotations very funny but true.

Thanks for dropping by my blog. I will add you to my links at My Happiness Haven and my Earthlingorgeous.com.

ENjoy the rest of the weekend! :)

Earthlingorgeous

Barry said...

#13 works for me. Many of them are really funny, but this one actually has the ring of genuine truth about it.

Ingrid said...

The quotations are sooo true.. :D And very funny!
U got a great blog going here, keep it up!

Brigit said...

Great post, totally unexpected. I like #3. I like the idea of having choices. Liking it 'both ways'could be pretty devastating, if you suffer regection phobia.

Sun Singer said...

Boy, that #14 is a real downer.

Malcolm

Ted Bagley said...

I told the Cab driver, "Take me to where a guy can have a good time." He took me to my house!- Rodney Dangerfield.

I like #12.

Talon said...

lol @ Ted's Rodney Dangerfield joke.

I like no. 12, but Steve Martin always makes me laugh - especially back when he one of the Czech brothers on Saturday Night Live: "I break with thee, I break with thee and I throw dogga poop on their shoes..."

Yeah, I've got a sick sense of humour.

Gregor said...

No. 12 made me chuckle. I hope that does not make me a misogynist.

Buddha said...

All work and no play makes Buddha a dull boy.
Thank you all by stopping by and enjoying some fun!

RennyBA said...

Regarding #11: I know what you mean; my wife is always thinking. Now she thinks we should try #11 as an experiment :lol:

Don't Feed The Pixies said...

I don't really have a favourite. Amusing they may be, but so totally wrong at the same time!

Interesting to see well-known racist Bernard Manning quoted in there - i thought no one outside of Blackpool would know who he was.

I like the quote about life being a STD - used it myself recently - but it is a bit grim

The Clandestine Samurai said...

I don't know what everyone else is talking about. #5 is by far the best.

This Brazen Teacher said...

I like numero uno. :-)

mike said...

HAHA! Lmao! Good stuff man, those are funny, I like the Steve Martin one the best! Keeo 'em coming, people love to laugh.

Ariel said...

lol, #12 and #13 are my favorites. :)

MaddyLane Designs said...

Great blog, this article is most humorous, super perspectives :)

AngelBaby said...

Very funny, I don't have a favorite they we all pretty good. LOL! Thanks for sharing this.

Love and Blessings,
AngelBaby

Intergalactic Hussy said...

Fantastic quotes! 10 cracks me up. But they're all great! Thanks for posting. :)

Tamara said...

I like so most of them but #12 stands out. I can't help but laugh.