Friday, May 15, 2009

The Power Of Forgiveness

1) Here is YOU – young and inexperienced in the ways of the world.
NOTICE: There are no strings or chains attached to you.
You are totally and absolutely free.
No fears, no anxieties.
No hatred no bigotry.
No low self esteem no negativity.
No bad experiences no regrets.
No pain and no suffering.
YOU are just as God intended YOU to be
Or 15 million years of evolution, if you so are inclined to believe :)
By any account: YOU are PERFECT!

2) Here is YOU and your first FUNCTIONAL relationship.
NOTICE: There are still no strings or chains bonding YOU.
True relationships are unconditional:
You give love you receive love, nothing more nothing less.
And there is a FUN part in functional :)
ALSO: Your first relationship – with your parents – theoretically should be the best but in reality it is not always so.
In reality your first human experience could have been # 3

3) Here is your first DYSFUNCTIONAL relationship.
NOTICE: The bondage between YOU and your WRONG DOER (WRD for short) is conditional.
WRD gets his/hers kicks by wrong doing YOU (and that can be anything from physical and/or sexual abuse to indifference and neglect)
And YOU are holding WRD responsible for your situation with the “you owe me something” chain (and that something can be love, respect, understanding, money, a promotion, a reward, an apology or an admission of wrong doing, or God knows what you think would make this right and fix the wrong doing.)

PERSONAL NOTE – This is the reason I avoid giving self improvement advice in my blog.
You can never cover all diversity of human experiences and no matter how hard you try your advice will be flawed and incomplete, so you have to take everything with a grain of salt and try to fill in the blanks as thy apply to your own situation.

4) Here is YOU after your dysfunctional relationship has ended.
NOTICE: You are still tied to your “you owe me” chain, even if your Wrong Doer is gone.
Your feelings are tied to an imaginary relationship that doesn’t exist – I symbolized it as your IMAGINARY BRICK WALL OF PAIN (IBWOP for short)
Notice that in most cases your Wrong Doer doesn’t even care what your feelings are and most likely he/she is already abusing another victim – cause that is the way they get their kicks.
Also notice: While you are tied to the IBWOP you can’t pursue potential loving relationships but…

5) Here is you attracting the wolves; a pack of Wrong Doers that have heard your crying and whining and have smelled fresh blood and tears.
NOTICE: The “normal” people running away from the scene of the incoming massacre.
Yes it is true: Nobody wants a whining, crying, depressed, negative, screwed up partner.
There is no knight in shining armor coming to save you.
Wake up from your self pity fantasy before you end up in…

6) Here is YOU tied up to your IBWOP, immobilized and paralyzed by pain, guilt, fear and God knows what else.
NOTICE: The lovely collection of “you owe me” bracelets, necklaces and other accessories.
Notice the scissors that were always available to you. They are FOIRGIVE and FORGET.
Realize that your Wrong Doers will never pay you back.
I mean really; what do you want from them; love, respect, money or an admission of guilt?
Are you willing to stay like that waiting for THEM to free your soul or are you going to cut the chains loose YOURSELF?
Realize that you are not being good or generous with them but you are finally doing something good for yourself.
Imagine what you would be without “you owe me” chains.
Imagine you as…

7) Here is YOU – older and wiser.
Totally and absolutely free to pursue the love you deserve just like God intended you to do.
I know some of you might ask at this moment:
“What about justice, what about revenge?”
Believe me, there is no greater punishment for a Wrong Doer than a happy, successful YOU.
Your success is ultimately their failure!
And there is no sweeter revenge than to held your head up in victory.

Knowledge is like money – worthless until you spend it.
Here is how you turn your new found knowledge into reality:
Take a piece of paper and write a letter to your Wrong Doer (one at the time if you have more than one)
Be as free in expressing your feelings as you want and at the end tell him/her that you don’t care anymore about their debt to you and that you have set them free – forget them in other words.
Send them the letter or an email or if you don’t know where they are post it on your blog and if you don’t have a blog send it to me and I will post it on my blog for you.
You have to let the universe know of your decision; you have to change your knowledge and ideas into reality.
You have to actualize your thoughts into action.


Lydia said...

You are really amazing. This is so well done. It's simple (I think the stick figures add to the overall impact) and yet riveting. I wonder if you'll get any letters to publish in your blog.....
I can't think of any that I need to write and that's a very good thing!

Damien said...

Really cool. I love the cartoons, they remind me of John Lennon's.

Annaly said...

The stick figures are amazing. You really broke it down to be as simple as possible.

Sylvie said...

Excellent advice. I don't think people realize they get to choose how they react to people and situations.

Once you get to the point where you can let go/forgive in real time as nonsense is happening, while possibly removing yourself from the toxic situation, then you really feel like living versus drowning.

Mrs. Fish: aka Two Fish said...

Finally, someone who agrees that you act on your life. No more "reacting" to others. Great post!

Barbara said...

No, it is not the Way. On the Way theres only Bliss.

And if someone was tortured, abused, then he must be helped, to be able to show Pain and Anger and to see that the Guilt is by the Torturer and Abuser, not by him. Who does not, makes the Victim just more sick.

Nevertheless, I say: Everyone is an innocent Child of the living God.

A Contradiction? No.

Anonymous said...

You do make a valid point. However, people who have a whining, crying and depressed partner should not first be thinking in do/do not want terms. Rather, they should examine what's being expressed in the crying and whining, and see if they can help.

Ted Bagley said...

The you becomes me and then back again. Hmm.

molly said...

Great Post. Love it. Really well done!

Don't Feed The Pixies said...

Isn't there a line in Star Trek 5 where Kirk refuses to let Sybok remove his pain, because his pain defines him and gives him his edge?

OK - so the reference is daft, but the point isn't. I think you are right to say that you have to move on: both me and my friend had a bad experience at school - but he still blames it for his being a failure, whilst i am trying to be a success.

But forgiveness is a two way street - and the truth is you can only turn the other cheek if everyone else is prepared to as well. Cynical? You betcha

Talon said...

I'm glad you used the word "inexperienced" in the description because I hate the words "young and stupid" attached...unless a person is stupid, which is an entirely different thing altogether.

You captured the essence brilliantly. The stick figures are perfect illustrations.

Once people realize we can only control ourselves and our own actions, life gets a lot easier to deal with.

Brigit said...

I didn't learn this lesson until I was 34. With that knowledge and using it, came freedom.

A friend of mine in her fifties, still can't see that.

You said it and illustrated it very well.

KD said...

Beautiful, beautiful work.

Forgiveness, per my personal brain, is a two way street precisely in this way: only when one truly forgives can two have the OPPORTUNITY to taste the fruit. "Forgiving" does not, by any sensible account, require an induced amnesia. It does not imply the forgiver's inability to stand up for and protect her/himself.

We may forgive by purposeful ignorance, denying all that ocurred. We may forgive by condition, allowing forgiveness only as the forgiven changes according to our understanding. We may forgive by laziness, waiting or working our hearts to a place in which we simply no longer care. But these are all false acts. To approach the power of true forgiveness, its peace and transformation (much more to offer it to another), we must forgive when we know the wrong, not expecting change, and while our own wounds are open. Forgiveness by any other means is merely an attractive path to oblivion.