Gender bender toilet offender

There are some essential differences between genders, some inherent pluses and minuses being a man or a woman.  I heard both sides complain and argue about the shortcomings of being one or another.

Personally, I like being a man. There are some nice perks coming with the gender.

One of the things I like having a penis is that allows me to use a urinal AKA man’s ability to pee standing.

For those not in the knowledge of this little secret, this is a short rundown.

You get into a bathroom, unzip your fly, pull the penis out, pee in the urinal, lovingly shake the foreword mention penis, put back in pants, zip, wash hands and go out on your merry way.

Fast and efficient, the manly way of doing things. Wham bam thank you, mam! If you know what I mean.

It doesn’t sound too much unless you have to go really bad and there is a queue at the bathroom door, which I’ve seen many times in front of a women’s rest room. As a man, the only time I recall having to wait in line was at concerts and sporting events.

So, I don’t understand why a man would want to use a women’s bathroom.

It doesn’t make any sense. It has no rhyme or reason.

Why give up the wonderful thing that is peeing standing and put up with setting a paper cover on the toilet or God forbid having to build your own but protection out of little pieces of toilet paper?

I thought hard about this and the two only reasonable answers I could come up with are:

1)      The man wants to pee all over the toilet seat. (We do it even when we try really hard to aim)

2)      The man wants to see some women or young girls using the bathroom.

Both of the answers thou should be enough reason to ban men from using women’s bathrooms.

The same argument goes for a woman wanting to use a men’s bathroom.

Why would a woman want to use a men’s bathroom, with the exception that women’s bathrooms are sometimes crowded, as I mentioned?

I’ve seen women waiting in line and sometimes ask permission to use the men’s bathroom and  I can proudly say that in every occasion men behaved with utmost respect and courtesy, making everything possible to be helpful.

So the only other argument I could come up with is that some women love to see naked men.

So to that I want to let them know that you don’t have to roam around men’s bathrooms you can go to any bar, find some drunk guys and they will be more than happy to help.

Of course, there is the transgender argument.

But peeing is not a matter of gender identity, it is a matter of plumbing.

You have a penis you pee standing. You have a vagina you pee sitting.

It doesn’t matter if you identify as a man. You can’t use a urinal. You may try it but I can assure you it will be messy.

So, there is a simple rule we can all use, even if you are sexually confused.

Look into your underwear and see what kind of plumbing you have. 

The day you’ll see a vagina there you may use the women’s bathroom.

Until then stick with the dickheads' crowd.

But I suspect that nobody will take my advice because this is not about gender identity or human equality. This I suspect has nothing to do with what we’ve discussed here.

Let’s look at the problem a different way. Let’s ask a different set of questions.

Was the government eradicated poverty, drug abuse, and violence? Have they solved the healthcare, education or environmental problems we are facing? Just to mention a few pressing problems we are facing.

The answer is NO. The government has no clue or intention on how to fix these problems.

So it is easy to see why given the opportunity to focus the population attention from the important problems of our country to issues like bathroom use, the government is more than happy to oblige.

The sad thing is that as the population is losing the sense of common sense and the average human attention span shrinks to that of a cat facing a red dot laser, we’ll see more and more of those absurd debacles happening.

Every freak looking for his or her 15 minutes of fame will come out of the woods demanding something and the government will be more than happy to make it into a political debate.

If you wonder where that will take us you should watch this little movie gem called “IDIOCRACY”