Where is the love?

Rose was hefty 250 lb + of voluptuous blubber flowing out of every piece of her clothing. Her spandex pants clad so tight to reveal every detail of her anatomy.

Don’t get me wrong. I am an Eastern European and skinny is not my idea of a beautiful woman, but Rose was more than Rubenesque. She was obese.

That did not stop Carlos, our security guard, - who also happened to be over 250 lb – to follow her around like a love-stricken puppy.

I have no idea what he was telling her, but she was laughing and flirting and purring like a kitten.

I watched them and try to imagine how in the world they would have sex – being their round shapes - but I digress with my sexual fantasies.

It was not long before Carlos proposed to her and they got married and pretty soon after that Carlos was walking around passing cigars letting everybody know he's gonna be a father.

There are over 6 billion people on this planet.

Some fat, some not, some toll, some small and some midgets and giants.

We have white folks, black folks, yellow, red and green – they visit us from time to time. We have educated, uneducated, rich, poor, smart, genius, stupid and George Bush.

We have beautiful, handsome, plain or butt ugly people and they all have one thing in common.

They all have a mate and they all have sex – otherwise, we wouldn’t be 6 billion.

Would we?

Yes, folks, even the toothless woman you sometimes see shopping at Wall Mart has a guy who believes, and tells her, that she is the most beautiful woman in the world and given the chance will knock her up in a heartbeat.

Love knows no boundaries. Love works in mysterious ways and somehow it pairs us two by two so the species would survive and flourish.

Or if you prefer the other explanation: Love is blind, deaf and dumb.

So in this world that came out of love, and exists for love, how come we have so many lonely people, so many people that seem unable to find their right soul mate?

In this day and age of the internet, cell phones, jet planes and global connections why do we have so many lonely hearts, so many broken hearts, and so many sad love songs?

Where is the love?

Acting Naturally

I have two daughters and as any father, I believe they are the most beautiful and gifted kids in the whole world.

We have a play/office room where the kids play and where the family computer resides.

I go there often when my little one is playing dolls and it would be impossible to work on my computer without being distracted by her play.

For one thing, she speaks out loud all the characters. 

As an adult, I would say she speaks by herself, but watching her I don’t believe that’s true. 

Her characters are so well developed and they have the most fantastic, imaginable dialogs.

It is impossible for me not to crack up, at which point she realizes that I’m not working on my computer so she comes over to me and ask me if I want to play.

To be honest, playing dolls is not my favorite thing by far, but how can I say no?

The thing I dread the most is that I always get to be the prince and no matter how hard I try, I always screw it up. 

She always has to correct me. “Dad that’s not the way you do it!”

As you might have noticed from my early posts, I’m not one person that lacks imagination but compared with hers, I got nothing.

My older daughter doesn’t play with dolls; she never had – thank God.

She loves reading and playing videogames and she loves her stuffed animals, but not to play just to sleep with them.

She also loves acting and singing and my wife has even got her an agent.

I go along with this acting gig, just because they both enjoy it and have fun and they do not take it too seriously.

Part of the acting career is going to acting shops, which once I had the pleasure of getting stuck with.

There were several kids going on a stage doing their little act. Some of them were happy, some were frightened, some memorized their lines and some had no clue. You know, kids! After the kids, the acting coach got on the stage and explained to the kids how they are going to learn “how to act naturally”.

Is acting naturally an oxymoron, or is just me? I mean isn’t acting the opposite of natural and spontaneous? How can you be spontaneous on queue?

Anyway, what he really meant is that he’s going to teach the kids to act like what other people believe naturally should be like. Which means to teach them to act un naturally.

I have a confession to make. I like to talk to myself. I don’t have the courage to do it in public or in front of my kids – I usually take my dog for a walk when I get the urge to act out my thoughts. I also thought of buying one of those blue tooth thingies that you put in your year, although I do not have a cellular but it would be just the perfect excuse for having a conversation.

I find it ironic that we are teaching our kids to act naturally when we as adults are nothing but a bucket full of inhibitions, anxieties, and phobias. It should be just the other thing around. We should learn from them.

I am learning a lot from my daughters. I am getting better on being spontaneous just being around them.

I just wish I didn’t get to be the prince all the time.

The NFL quagmire has begun

There are no more controversial and explosive subjects than religion, politics, and sports.

Nothing else makes people lose their common sense, reason, and temper like the three.

So what do you think will happen when you mix politics and sports?

Nothing good for sure. People will lose their minds and the whole debate will be just accusations, insults and irrational screaming tirades in a raging storm of emotions.

Well, brace yourself because the NFL quagmire has just begun.

I’m not a sports fan and I try as much as possible to stay away from politics but with today’s media intruding in every corner of our lives it would be impossible to miss the big news:

NFL has declared war to Donald Tump.

If you missed it, this is what’s going on:

A large majority of NFL players are upset with Mr. Trump whom they consider being a racist and have decided to protest by refusing to stand or show up during the National Anthem.

I just want to know who is the genius that came up with this idea?

I’m not saying that the NFL players don’t have the right to protest or that they should not protest but before protesting before starting a war did anybody thought about how to win the fight?

This is very much like what happened after 9/11 when everybody was really upset and decided to go to war just because it “felt” better but without thinking about the consequences.

You know what happened; we are still mired in the quagmire of war.

So this NFL political fight is a very, very bad idea and it will end in a very, very bad outcome.

This impulsive emotional outburst will backfire and will do un-repairable damage for NFL.

Once again just to make things clear; I’m not debating the validity of the NFL players complains, I’m debating the method and strategy of their offense.

And here are two very good reasons why:

One:  No one will become a new NFL fan just because the NFL players are protesting Mr. Trump.

 A lot or at least some of the NFL fans will be driven away to other sports because a lot of people think that disrespecting the National Anthem and the American flag is insulting and unpatriotic.

Two: The NFL has started a war they cannot win. They have no exit strategy; they have no way to win.

How long are they going to sit or kneel? One month? One season? Two. three, four?

Sooner or later they will have to quit and that by definition is a defeat.

You see my point? How are they going to win? Nobody knows, nobody has thought about it.

Just like Afghanistan and Iraq, the war was lost before it started.

Don’t start a war before you have figured out how to win it, and that applies not only to NFL but to all the wars and battles in the world.

So congratulation NFL players for handing Mr. Trump another unwarranted victory.

I think I figured out the Trump strategy; he doesn’t have to be good just better than the opposition.

Just like the guy running from the bear; he doesn’t have to run faster than the bear just faster than the fat guy.

The Interruption

In time some things become habits, like my morning routine.

Wake up, take a shower, brush my teeth, get dressed and eat my breakfast.

Then the routine varies a bit each day but if there is nothing special scheduled for the day it usually involves starting up my laptop.

For me growing up before the computer revolution is still funny how much we have become tied to our electronic devices. My phone has become almost a part of my body. Wherever I go the phone is almost always with me. I love it and hate it at the same time.

A few minutes later the computer screen lights up and on my desktop among a couple dozen icons a bunch of colored sticky notes pop up.

The sticky notes are the first line of defense in my organizational strategy. They are easy to write, easy to read a very convenient way to remind me of the tasks at hand.

Of course, I have a more elaborate “to do list” that encompasses long-term goals but for the day to day business I find the little sticky notes to be most suitable.

It also gives me a good feeling of accomplishment whenever I complete a chore and trash the little sticky note.

Not the case with my “to do list” which is growing permanently and it looks it is here to stay forever.

First sticky notes informs me I have to write another blog article for tomorrow, fix the cabinet door in the kitchen and clean the garage. The cabinet door is an easy one since I fixed the door already and I just have to put it back in the kitchen. So I go to do that first.

Back to my computer. Time to write my article.

I want to be something inspirational, something profound or at least something useful.

Nothing comes to mind. I’ll go check my emails and social media instead.

Nothing there as usual. It is just a waste of time but you have to do it just in case there is an important email or vital piece of information you cannot afford to miss.  But I think I got an idea for my article.

I will write an article about Donald Trump, on how he is actually a product of our society, a symptom of our social moral decay just like Germany between the two world wars.

Time to check the Google for some historical references.

The phone rings. Some insurance guy wants to “save me money”. I told him if he is so concerned about my wellbeing just to write me a check. The discussion goes nowhere. He doesn’t listen to me and I’m not interested in buying his insurance. Back to my computer.

I’m in the middle of my creative storm when my dogs rush in the room and start making begging noises and wildly waving their tails. What the heck I fed them already!

I look at the clock is 10am already.  Time flies when you are on the net.

Reluctantly I get up and take the dogs for their morning walk.

Back to my computer.

I have done nothing all day, well, except that productive 5 min when I screwed the cabinet door back in its place,

I’m trying to write but I keep being interrupted.

Between my wife, kids, pets, friends and all sorts of people that want to help me with things I did not need help with I managed to pile up a bunch of cut and paste fragments of articles that don’t look anything like a blog.

On top of that is noon and my stomach is making “feed me now!” noises.

Alright I’ll stop and I’m going out for lunch, and I’m not going to take my phone with me!

Guess what. I did take the phone with me but at least I left it in my car during the lunch and just enjoyed other people having lunch with their phones.

Waiting for my food to come I realized a couple of things.

One: My life is been disrupted from its normal flow by a series of unwanted interruptions.

Two: The number of interruptions in my life has grown and continues to grow exponentially.

Three: Some of the interruptions, like Mr. Trump, are easy to avoid. You just turn off the TV.

Four: some interruptions are hard to avoid, like spending time on the X Box or binging for hours on Netflix.

Five: If I want my productivity to go up and have more control of my life I need to find an effective way to deal with my interruptions.

No problem! I’m really good at solving problems.

First step: Awareness, defining the problem.

I’ll start by making a list of all the incidents in my life when I get interrupted.

10 Steps to control your temper and overcome you anger

“In times of stress, the best thing we can do for each other is to listen with our ears and our hearts and to be assured that our questions are just as important as our answers.”

– Fred Rogers

Oh, the joy of modern civilization!

The ever dizzying speed increase of life. The overwhelming information bombardment. The ever-increasing complexity of our everyday existence. The stress. The madness. The rage against all this nonsense we are subjected to.

It is not surprising that we are failing on our relationships and careers.

It is no wonder that we are consuming industrial quantities of mood-altering drugs.

It’s not surprising that stress, anxiety, and depression are becoming a common occurrence in our society.

Our attention spans are getting shorter and shorter and so is our ability to focus.

We are more and more irritable and intolerant. Our tempers are flaring up and our inability to express our dissatisfaction, or should I say the social censorship we are subjecting our emotions and feelings, leave us no other alternative but not to give a shit anymore.

The problem is that we still have to function socially and the only option acceptable we have, is to learn how to control our temper and handle adverse situations.

Here are 10 steps will help you become better in dealing with temper tantrums.

1)      Awareness.
Knowing and understanding the cause of a problem is always the best first step in preventing and fixing the problem.
Take an inventory of all lost temper episodes you can recall. Keep it up to date every time a new one occurs. Start a list of the lost control episodes. When, where and how. What triggered your anger? How did you respond? How would you respond if a similar incident occurs?

2)      Prevention.
The best way to solve a problem is not to get in trouble in the first place.
Based on step No 1 write down all the things you have to avoid in order not to lose your temper. Update every time a new incident occurs.

3)      Stop, pause, breath.
We have a built-in defense mechanism fight or flight. It is written in our DNA and helped us for millennia dealing with the dangers of wildlife. The problem is that our adversaries today are not sabered tooth tigers but corporate dwellers. Our life doesn’t depend on how fast we get into the fight mode anymore, I would say it is exactly the opposite; the guy that stays calm and under control is always the winner in the corporate jungle.
So every time you feel under attack before reacting take a deep breath and slowly count from 10 to 1. That should give you a clearer perspective on how to properly respond.

4)      Get away
If # 3 doesn’t do the trick, get away from the explosive situation.
Excuse yourself like “Excuse me I forgot something in my office. Hold that thought I’ll be right back.” Or “Excuse me I have to use the restroom. Nature call. Hold that thought I’ll be right back. Or any appropriate excuse to get away from the discussion for a few minutes.

5)      Change your thought pattern.
Difficult situations have a negative effect on our thought patterns. Have a mantra, something like this: “I am better than my anger. I am in control. I am calm compose and in total control of my temper. I am better than this.”
Replace your thought pattern by repeating your mantra whenever you feel your thoughts are getting negative.

6)      Change your perspective
Nothing really matters and nothing is more important than your wellbeing.
Put the present situation in a time perspective: What would this mean a week a year or ten years from now? Like all the bad situations you’ve been through, this too shall pass.

7)      Do not react, act.
Life doesn’t always work the way you want to. Sometimes you can’t control people and situations but you always can control how you react.
Getting into a knee-jerk reaction response can only escalate the confrontation and make it worse. Do not react instead take control of the situation. Change the course of the conversation from confrontation to problem-solving.

8)      Invoke a higher authority.
People always react better to a higher authority. Whenever it looks like you are not in control of a situation you can always defer the problem to a higher authority.
“I think we should go to our manager, HR department, police officer, priest, rabbi, judge” or whatever higher authority is appropriate to the situation, and have them solve the conflict. Accept any resolution they may have

9)      Practice compassion.
It takes two to tango. There is no fight without punching back. Look at your opponent, look at his anger with compassion not critical. Try to understand him, how hopelessly out of control he must feel to be that angry. Put yourself in his shoes. A win-win solution is always better than crushing your opponent. You never know what the future will look like and a little compassion goes a long way.

10)   Be thankful to your adversary.
All experiences are good experiences if you learn a valuable lesson.
So be grateful for the fights and conflicts in your life. What doesn’t kill you make you stronger.
When criticized reply with “Thank you for pointing that out” and always end with; “Thank you for making me a better person”
Keep being grateful and in short time the unwanted bully will stop from wanting to confront you in the future.